


Bury a friend

by LokiDem



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Not Beta Read, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 07:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19102099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiDem/pseuds/LokiDem
Summary: What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me?What are you wondering? What do you know?Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me?When we all fall asleep, where do we go?-----------------------------Vanitas has it all planned out, everything is perfect. That is until he runs into the brightest star from his past





	Bury a friend

**Author's Note:**

> READ THE TAGS!

_The way I'm_ _drinkin_ _' you down_    
_Like I_ _wanna_ _drown, like I_ _wanna_ _end me_    
_Bury a_ _friend, try to wake up_  

_\------------------------------_   

He had everything worked out. The date was set, saved safely away on his phone. Every tiny thing he could think of planned and organised. Any item not essential for surviving the week already packed away in boxes and trash bags, piled up in the corners of his grimy apartment. Vanitas tried his best not to look at the sagging boxes, unable to ignore how much more pathetic they made his existence seem. That’s all he’d be soon enough. A heap of cardboard hiding his sad, lonely existence. 

Having already finalised practically everything, Vanitas knew it was little more than a waiting game at this point. In six days, he could take the money he’d hid away and celebrate his last ‘hooray’.  Eight until he’d open the top draw by his bed and hold the one thing, he wanted most, the feel of cold metal in his hand, pressed against his temple. 

A muffled whine from the floor pulled the raven-haired man from his thoughts, reminding him he needed to walk the poor creature. He still wasn’t 100% sure what he was going to do with Flood before he left for good. Maybe a shelter? A no kill one obviously.  _Ironic._  

He couldn’t help but smile as he looked down at the gangly mess of a dog gazing up at him. Flood tilted his head, letting his pink tongue fall out the side of his mouth. 

“Come here you mutt.” Vanitas told the lanky dog, kindly. He patted the coach cushion next to him, allowing the dog to jump up. Vanitas scratched between Flood’s bat-like ears idly. “Walk?” The  _single_  word was enough to send the already twitchy mess into a bouncing frenzy. 

Sitting up slowly, Vanitas ran his hands through his messy hair, sighing. Taking Flood, who was currently running around the room, on walks was the only reason he bothered to leave his dangerously decrepit flat anymore. Everything was getting to be too much.  _Eight days_ , he reminded himself, as he grabbed Flood’s lead, clipping it onto his collar before forcing himself out the front door.  

Flood barked happily at his owner as the made their way down the empty street, stopping a few times to allow the small dog to sniff at things and pee. Vanitas kept his golden eyes focused on the sidewalk, knowing it shouldn’t take more than ten minutes to reach their destination, the park on the corner. It was so tiny that no one really bothered to go there, which was perfect for him. 

Turning onto the path that led through the park, Vanitas crouched down, unclipping the lead from Flood. “Go on, have fun.” He told the tiny shadow, standing back up and wandered over to the only bench placed in the empty lot. Sitting down Vanitas watched Flood sniffing excitedly in the grass. 

Once he was sure Flood was sufficiently engrossed, Vanitas went back to working out the details of his plan. He started wondering who he should go see to  _score_  for the last time. He’d heard a while ago that  Ax  had a new man, so he wasn’t selling  much  anymore. Which sucked for Vanitas, the red-head always managed to get the good stuff. He knew Dem was still floating around, but his were  _shit_  and Vanitas didn’t want to deal with having his ear talked off  by the  _twitchy_  blonde . Worst came to worst, Vanitas knew he could always score at a club, even if it was guaranteed to be  _overpriced_ ,  bu t  t hat wouldn't  _matter_  in the long run.  He wasn’t planning on being around for  _‘the long run’_. 

Two dark brows drew together into a frown as Vanitas heard Flood yapping excitedly at something. Looking up Vanitas froze, wishing he could be anywhere else but here, his golden eyes meeting with a pair of all too familiar  _blues_. Vanitas cringed as the new comer softly smiled before heading towards the bench. 

 “ _Vanitas?_  Is that you?” The blonde said once in earshot. “I thought that was Flood. No other dog looks like him.” 

“ _Ven_.” Vanitas wouldn’t look him in the eye as he spoke, hating how much he wanted to.  

Ven shifted on the balls of his feet as Flood ran laps around his legs in joy. “It’s funny I ran into you ‘tas, I was thinking of you just the other day.” 

Vanitas rolled his eyes, still refusing to look up at the man that he’d once called his _sunshine_. “Everyone needs something to remind them how good they’ve got it.” 

“What? No...’tas, I was thinking about how much I miss hanging out with you.” Ven’s smile felt much too warm for Vanitas’ world, it almost seeming to  _blister_  his pale skin as he sat under the force of it. 

He couldn’t help but grimace at the blonde's words, each one a hot poker through his frozen soul. “Oh?” He sneered, “You perfect boy Terra finally get sick of you? Think I’d let you come crawling back with open arms?” He managed a laugh, a cold, strangled sound, masking the fact they both knew Vanitas would. He’d always take Ven back,  _his angel_ . He would happily drown in those beautiful oceans,  _always_. 

It was Ven’s turn to roll his eyes, putting his hands on his hips before answering. “Get over yourself, Vanitas. Me and Terra are  _very_  happy, thank you.” Vanitas scoffed at this before Ven could continue. “I was thinking we could be friends, get a coffee sometime.” 

“Well if you want to make nice, you better do it quickly. I’m leaving in a week, so,  _chop, chop_.” Vanitas tapped his wrist mockingly. 

“Where are you going?” Ven asked innocently. 

“ _Away_.” Came the bitter response. 

Ventus squinted at the dark-haired male, finally seeming to accept the answer. “You free now?” 

Vanitas didn’t reply, wanting nothing more than to go back to the dark safety of his room. But a part of him, one he’d almost forgot existed, knew he’d never been able to say no to this boy and he was unlikely to start now, not so close to the end. Admitting a quick defeat and praying this wouldn’t take too long, Vanitas shrugged. “I’d have to drop Flood home first.” 

Ven’s smile almost made it worth it. Almost. Letting out a huff of frustration, Vanitas stood, scooping the dozing Flood up from the grass. He quickly made his way back out to the street, not caring if Ven was following him or not. Unfortunately, it seemed that he was, the quick footsteps coming up quickly behind the darker haired man. “How old is Flood now? I still remember him as a tiny puppy.” Ven asked, falling in step beside Vanitas. 

“He’ll be five in six months.”  

Ven’s eyes went huge for a second as he calculated the information. “Wow, has it  _really_  been that  _long_?” 

“Yip.” Vanitas was very quickly loosing patients as they reached the front entrance to his building. He’d also realised he really didn’t want Ven to see how he was living. “Wait here.” He told the blonde, who nodded.  

Leaving the unwanted reminder of his past in the buildings entrance, Vanitas made his way up to his door. He swore under his breath, he’d forgotten to lock the front door, again. He hadn’t even bothered to grab his keys, now that he thought about it. Not that it’d matter if anything was stolen.  

Placing Flood onto his bed under the window, Vanitas stood, staring blankly at the cracked plaster of his living rooms wall. Maybe if he just stayed up here Ven would leave. But would that upset Ven? Obviously, it would, that boy had always been to  _pure_ . The only  _light_  Vanitas’  _darkness_  hadn’t been able to destroy. He could do this; he could get through a single coffee with the last good thing he’d had in his life.  

Vanitas covered his face with his hands, letting out a muffled scream behind them. Once he felt he was as calm as he would ever be, Vanitas dug around the kitchen draw for some spare change. Finding what he hoped was enough for coffee, he grabbed his keys and left. Making sure to lock the door behind him because Flood was in there now. 

Slowly walking back down to the ground level, his golden eyes quickly noticed Ven was waiting calmly for his return, idly scrolling through his phone. The blonde looked up as Vanitas approached, smiling. “I was thinking we could go to the coffee place just around the corner, makes it easier for everyone.” 

“Sure, whatever you want.” Vanitas bit the inside of his mouth, wishing to retract the last few words that had slipped out. Ven just gave him a confused face, before gesturing for them to leave. 

The walk there was uneventful, Vanitas kept his hands burred deep in his pockets, his eyes fixed on the path ahead of them. Ventus too kept his eyes down, not saying a word. By the time the duo were close enough to their destination to smell the faint waft of brewing coffee Vanitas had started running circles inside his own mind. He was sure Ven wanted something, why else would he want to be seen with his disgusting face. But the question was  _what?_  The blonde would be sorely disappointed when he realised Vanitas had nothing to offer him. 

Entering the warmth of the tiny coffee shop felt like heaven on Vanitas’ skin. His place had no heating and the days had been quickly becoming colder. He relished in the heat, scanning the menu to see what he could afford with the money he’d dropped in his pocket. “I can get you something.” Ventus said, from beside him, breaking the silence that had grown between them. “My treat.” He smiled, pulling his wallet from a back pocket, making his way up to the counter. 

Vanitas scowled. He definitely wanted something, if he was willing to pay for things like that. “I can get my own coffee,  _Ventus_.” He muttered once he reached the blonde. 

“It’s okay, I want to. I got you what you always get.” He paused, face falling. “Back in the day, I mean. I should have asked; do you get something different now?” 

“No, Ven, I still get white chocolate mochas.” The raven sighed, unable to mask the tender smile at seeing Ven light up. 

“You’ll never change, will you Van?” Ven’s blue eyes scrunched up as he grinned cheekily at Vanitas. The black-haired man didn’t know if he should be insulted by that statement or not. Or that if Ven thought he hadn’t changed, why was he talking to him? 

He finally spoke up as the two of them sat at an empty table by one of the stores large windows. “If you think I’ll never change, why are you here Ven? Last I heard, you told Ax’ you were afraid of me.” 

Ven flinched at the accusation. “I’m sorry for say those things ‘tas. I’m not afraid of you, I care about you. I was just scared of falling back down the rabbit hole.” 

“You  _care_ about  _me_ ?  Hah, you  care about one thing  _Ven_ , and it comes in  _tidy little baggies_.” 

Ven looked like he was about to say something, or punch Vanitas in the jaw, but was interrupted by the arrival of a friendly waitress, carrying their drinks. The two men sat silently as she placed them down, Ven giving her a polite smile and a nod before she left the two to enjoy the coffee. 

Ven leant forward, deeming the woman sufficiently out of ear shot, and hissed. “You know full well I  _don’t_  do that _shit_ anymore.” He sat back, taking a sip of his latte, and frowned. 

Vanitas hoped the look on his face showed how unconvinced he was by Ven’s statement. “What other reason could you possibly have to want to search me out? The coffee a bribe so I don’t tell your perfect Terra?” He snickered into his drink, watching as those deep blue eyes filled with anger. Ah, there’s the storm he remembered. 

“You’re a dick  _Vanny_.” Golden eyes narrowed at that nickname. An obvious jab. “I don’t want anything from you. Except friendship. Can’t you get that through your thick head?” 

Vanitas rolled his eyes for what felt like the  _twentieth_  time that day. “Maybe I can’t. Because no one comes to me wanting nothing. Especially a  _brat_  like you. Digging your way back from the grave of my past.” He took a long, slow drink from his cup, never breaking eye contact, daring Ven to interrupt him. “You  _never_  even  _loved_ me Ven.” He held a hand up when Ven opened his mouth to argue. “Don’t bother lying. You and me both know it’s true.” A laugh escaped him. “You know what the worst part is? I knew back then too. You just liked the  _lay_ , and you  _loved_ the drugs. But I still would have stolen the  _moon_  to make you happy. I would have and did do anything you wanted.” 

“But you still  _abandoned_ me. God knows I’m not perfect, and I’m nearly  _impossible_  to live with, but  _Christ_  Ven, you kicked me to the kerb as soon as a better,  _shinier_  model walked past.” Vanitas shook his head, unable to voice how ready he really was to fall back into that time. He’d do anything to keep Ven with him. 

A silence fell over them, Ven momentarily lost for words. “I’m sorry Vanitas, I really am. Can you forgive me?” 

_Of course._ _Every time._ _Always._  

He didn’t trust himself to speak, unsure what would come pouring out. Instead choosing to just nod slowly, mapping out the grains of the table with his eyes. Minutes ticked by as they sat, unsure what they could talk about. It really showed how bad they were for each other, neither knew anything the other enjoyed doing. It seeming to both that the others only hobbies were getting high and sex. If Ven was telling the truth and really was clean, then sex was the only thing. But Vanitas knew the blonde was dating someone and would never cheat, leaving nothing in common. 

That could never change the fact that Vanitas needed the blonde. A selfish thought crossed his mind, just how much he wanted Ven to fall back down to him. Return to their own world. He was more than willing to use all the money he’d saved to keep this  _sunshine_  at his side. Even if it destroyed them.  _Together_. But that would never happen. Ven had a perfect boyfriend, a perfect life.  

Anger welled up inside Vanitas, the knowledge that his darkness could never reach that light again, boiling in his veins. “ _Forgiveness?_ ” He spat, “ _Why?_  So you can go back to your wonderful life knowing you made peace?  _Fuck off_  Ven. I’m not your  _Neighbourhood conscience cleaner_.”  

Blue eyes filled with so much sadness gazed at Vanitas. “Vanitas, I want to  _help_ you.” 

“Too late for that  _dumbass_ . Either you  _piss off_  and never talk to me again, or you start planning my funeral.” Telling Ven to get out of his life, just as he’d reappeared, sent a pang through Vanitas’ heart. He wanted this boy more than anything. 

Ven sighed, not doubting how serious Vanitas was. He should have known better then to find the raven again. The  _itch_  was coming back already, the one he knew Vanitas  _could_  and  _would_  fix. 

Vanitas watched as Ven subconsciously scratched at his arm. Entirely unsurprised by how quickly the blonde was slipping back to old habits. “Need some help?” Vanitas sneered, wishing he could say for sure he wouldn’t if asked. 

“N-no!” Ven stammered, grabbing his now cold coffee, downing the drink in one go. “I have to go. B-b-but I really want to see you again ‘tas.” Vanitas smirked as Ven gave him a shaky smile. 

They both stood, heading out the door and down the street together. For a moment it felt just like old times. The two against the world, out to score, before they would go home and pretend nothing else mattered. Vanitas wondered if they could ever get back to that. But he had his plan,  _eight days_ , no time to relive passed loves. He nodded to Ven in goodbye, slipping into his musty building as Ven continued on, disappearing out of sight. 

Vanitas was deep in thought as he reached his door, he would very much like the light in his life again. And maybe it wasn’t healthy, and maybe it wouldn’t save him, but Vanitas thought he could stick around a few more weeks. Just for the chance to  _drown_  in the beautiful blue ocean of Ven, one more time. 

If push came to shove, at least he knew Ven would take good care of Flood. 

_\------------------------------_  

_For the debt I owe,_ _gotta_ _sell my soul_    
_'Cause_ _I can't say no, no, I can't say no_    
_Then my limbs all froze and my eyes won't close_    
_And I can't say no, I can't say no_    
_Careful_  


End file.
